My friend L.K. from NC made a teasing comment today about how "wild" I've gotten over here in Ireland. I know she was (mostly) joking, but the fact is that there is a kernel of truth in what she said. There's something about having made such an earth shattering (to me) life change that makes it that much easier to try things and contemplate possibilities that would never have fit with my old self.
The pre-Ireland, pre-blogger me was caught in a rut of her own making, and she knew it. I could have stayed in my mostly comfortable, largely happy life and kept on doing the same things on and on. Eventually, my sense of being boxed in and living inside skin just a size too small may have faded away and left me, and that probably would have been ok. But, you know what? I like doing more than ok. I like finding myself chancing things that I would have pooh poohed or talked myself out of (I'm a great overintellectualizer) or just been too darn scared to imagine before. The box, the limits, I'd created for myself and talked myself into accepting was very familiar and very comfortable.
This? Isn't comfortable. Not at all. And sometimes I really feel it. I miss my townhouse, family, friends and the other great things that surrounded me in Raleigh. I find myself flashing to the most random images sometimes... being in my car driving down the highway at 74 mph (if you keep it less than 10 under the speed limit, the cops probably won't stop you); meeting up with the Friday Night Girls for Maker's Mark and random conversations about bodily functions; spending a quiet Friday night till late in Barnes & Noble with a truckload of books and something sweet from their cafe (a bookstore open till 11 pm!); long, reflective conversations with E.J.; the final moments of the Maundy Thursday church service before Easter; getting my semi-regular massage from John (best hands ever!) while Narada-ish muzak plays in the background. But, the happy truth is that I'm still glad I made the move. On the face of it, my life here is pretty normal, but just being forced out of my routine and forced to examine my assumptions and beliefs about myself has been incredibly liberating.
So yeah, pre-Ireland me would never have put her thoughts out on the web for anyone to see, hosted strangers in her house, chanced making friends online, flirted madly via text, or considered getting inked. Considering my previous comfort zone, that is pretty darn wild. But then, as I face the last few weeks before the big 4-0, I'm thrilled I took the chance to see what life could be like outside the box.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
"That One" Makes History and There's No Going Back
My stomach is in knots, my heart is like a stone in my chest, and I don't know if I can handle one more truly fascinated Irish compatriot asking me for my opinion about what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm torn between trolling the internet for every bit of election news I can get vs. not wanting to think about tomorrow night at all for fear that I might feel just a bit too much optimism and so totally jinx the whole thing!
Similarly, I'm alternately proud and saddened about what this election means for me personally and as a (Jamaican) American. The fact is it took me years to make the decision to relinquish my Jamaican citizenship for the U.S. one. Not because I ever planned to move back permanently, but because (as you might have guessed by now) being Jamaican is part of the core of my identity and the passport symbolized that. On the other hand, having spent all of the last 30 years but one in the States, I've also been quite americanized and am completely emotionally invested in what's going on at home.
This will be the very first presidential election I'll have had the opportunity to vote in since becoming a naturalized citizen 3 years ago, and what a way to lose my electoral virginity! I'm bursting with pride that America has come to the point of actually almost electing a partially black man to be President of the United States [wow, I get shivers just writing that!] and that I had the chance to be a part of that history. But, I'm also terrified that it all sounds too good to be true. That my hopes will be dashed (or stolen) again. Mostly, that it means so much and my history isn't great for these kind of things working out.
Of course the latter statement makes it sound like I think I actually have the power to personally jinx this. Sadly, I don't think I'm the only one with the same unwarranted superstition - I'm sure a lot of other Democrats feel the same way - so I'm imagining huge swathes of the population in the country right now all repeating the mantra "Don't wish too hard. Don't get too excited. Don't expect too much!"
In the end though, no matter what happens tomorrow, we will all survive. Republicans, Democrats, and Independents alike. The world won't really come to an end, though I know several friends who've threatened (jokingly and not so jokingly) to use their passport and join me in expat-life if we have to face another 8 years of the same old, same old. We'll go back to living as neighbors again, no matter whether we're living in Red or Blue (or yellow-striped) country. We'll work together, socialize with each other, go to the same church, love each other, and fall asleep in the same bed together just like before all this started. The yard signs will come down and hopefully all the nasty Facebook flair will disappear, as will most of the rumors about who's secretly a terroristic, socialist-loving muslim. The Us vs. Them mentality will diminish a bit and we'll go back to being individuals again who can admit that our loved ones on The Other Side are actually relatively intelligent, thoughtful people who don't really want to destroy everything we believe in.
America and its politics will start to feel somewhat normal again. But, no one will ever be able to take away the fact that American politics has passed a major milestone, one I never seriously considered I would see in my lifetime. A woman yes. A "black" man? We've come a long way, baby, all of us. And there's nothing anyone can do to make us go back!
Note: Sadly, a piece of Obama's own personal history was lost today when his grandmother died of cancer. My condolences on his loss. But I loved the CNN commentator's quote from Psalm 30:5 - "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." That's something we can all pray for.
Similarly, I'm alternately proud and saddened about what this election means for me personally and as a (Jamaican) American. The fact is it took me years to make the decision to relinquish my Jamaican citizenship for the U.S. one. Not because I ever planned to move back permanently, but because (as you might have guessed by now) being Jamaican is part of the core of my identity and the passport symbolized that. On the other hand, having spent all of the last 30 years but one in the States, I've also been quite americanized and am completely emotionally invested in what's going on at home.
This will be the very first presidential election I'll have had the opportunity to vote in since becoming a naturalized citizen 3 years ago, and what a way to lose my electoral virginity! I'm bursting with pride that America has come to the point of actually almost electing a partially black man to be President of the United States [wow, I get shivers just writing that!] and that I had the chance to be a part of that history. But, I'm also terrified that it all sounds too good to be true. That my hopes will be dashed (or stolen) again. Mostly, that it means so much and my history isn't great for these kind of things working out.
Of course the latter statement makes it sound like I think I actually have the power to personally jinx this. Sadly, I don't think I'm the only one with the same unwarranted superstition - I'm sure a lot of other Democrats feel the same way - so I'm imagining huge swathes of the population in the country right now all repeating the mantra "Don't wish too hard. Don't get too excited. Don't expect too much!"
In the end though, no matter what happens tomorrow, we will all survive. Republicans, Democrats, and Independents alike. The world won't really come to an end, though I know several friends who've threatened (jokingly and not so jokingly) to use their passport and join me in expat-life if we have to face another 8 years of the same old, same old. We'll go back to living as neighbors again, no matter whether we're living in Red or Blue (or yellow-striped) country. We'll work together, socialize with each other, go to the same church, love each other, and fall asleep in the same bed together just like before all this started. The yard signs will come down and hopefully all the nasty Facebook flair will disappear, as will most of the rumors about who's secretly a terroristic, socialist-loving muslim. The Us vs. Them mentality will diminish a bit and we'll go back to being individuals again who can admit that our loved ones on The Other Side are actually relatively intelligent, thoughtful people who don't really want to destroy everything we believe in.
America and its politics will start to feel somewhat normal again. But, no one will ever be able to take away the fact that American politics has passed a major milestone, one I never seriously considered I would see in my lifetime. A woman yes. A "black" man? We've come a long way, baby, all of us. And there's nothing anyone can do to make us go back!
Note: Sadly, a piece of Obama's own personal history was lost today when his grandmother died of cancer. My condolences on his loss. But I loved the CNN commentator's quote from Psalm 30:5 - "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." That's something we can all pray for.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
I Voted!
Have you?
If you're living abroad, send in your absentee ballot today so it gets there on time! If you're living at home, vote early! (In some states you can even register on the same day as early voting).
Avoid the madness on Election Day and the temptation not to stand in line thinking your candidate doesn't need you. No excuses if you want the right to complain, or gloat, afterwards.
If you're living abroad, send in your absentee ballot today so it gets there on time! If you're living at home, vote early! (In some states you can even register on the same day as early voting).
Avoid the madness on Election Day and the temptation not to stand in line thinking your candidate doesn't need you. No excuses if you want the right to complain, or gloat, afterwards.
It's mine, mine, mine!
OK, it's done. I held out as long as I could, but I finally HAD to give in to its seductive powers. I'm totally in love and like any new relationship we're spending as much time together as we can. A few frustrations - including the 6 hours I spent last night into the (not so) early morning fighting with it and trying to smooth out the relationship between another big part of my life, before finally figuring out how to make things work between them.
We're all happy together now, my new iPhone, home wifi, and me. Long may we hold this menage a trois! (And if I never have to read another Mac or iPhone help forum, I'll be a very happy camper!)
I do take the fact that I held out for so many months as a good sign of my impulse control. Although everyone who heard me salivating about it on and on for months may have wished I'd given in sooner :-)
We're all happy together now, my new iPhone, home wifi, and me. Long may we hold this menage a trois! (And if I never have to read another Mac or iPhone help forum, I'll be a very happy camper!)
I do take the fact that I held out for so many months as a good sign of my impulse control. Although everyone who heard me salivating about it on and on for months may have wished I'd given in sooner :-)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Generous Heart
Despite having been here for 14 months now, I still get surprised more than every once in awhile by the difference in cultures between Ireland and the U.S.
The most recent event happened just 3 days ago. I was on my way to a work conference in Dublin, driving up with a coworker. We stopped off in Midleton (a place where I do not live and hardly ever go) in part so I could load up on chocolatey, high calorie yumminess to tide me over for the drive. We all know that calories you take in on a roadtrip don't count, right?
I stopped in at a small greengrocer, one of those places that are just so Irish . . . a few shelves of fruit and veg, with the small selection of candy and sweets kept behind the counter because there just wasn't enough space otherwise. A stranger to the proprietress, the high-spirited Angela, I immediately got drawn into a conversation with her. That is until everything drew to a screeching halt for me when I realized that I hadn't gone to the ATM and was flat out of cash. No cards taken of course, so I was prepared to leave everything behind and go and find a cash machine when Angela pooh-poohed my plan, insisting that I just take the bag of goodies because "I'm sure you'll be coming back through" and "I trust you, no problem!" No disagreement on my part was allowed and I walked out of there with a bagful of candy and my mouth literally hanging open.
I want to say "Only in Ireland", but maybe it's more like "Never in America" or just something about this one person I lucked into meeting. Whatever the case, is it any wonder I love living here?!
Note: I did give my friend the money to repay the wonderful Angela for me. Anybody that generous deserves to be met with trustworthiness.
The most recent event happened just 3 days ago. I was on my way to a work conference in Dublin, driving up with a coworker. We stopped off in Midleton (a place where I do not live and hardly ever go) in part so I could load up on chocolatey, high calorie yumminess to tide me over for the drive. We all know that calories you take in on a roadtrip don't count, right?
I stopped in at a small greengrocer, one of those places that are just so Irish . . . a few shelves of fruit and veg, with the small selection of candy and sweets kept behind the counter because there just wasn't enough space otherwise. A stranger to the proprietress, the high-spirited Angela, I immediately got drawn into a conversation with her. That is until everything drew to a screeching halt for me when I realized that I hadn't gone to the ATM and was flat out of cash. No cards taken of course, so I was prepared to leave everything behind and go and find a cash machine when Angela pooh-poohed my plan, insisting that I just take the bag of goodies because "I'm sure you'll be coming back through" and "I trust you, no problem!" No disagreement on my part was allowed and I walked out of there with a bagful of candy and my mouth literally hanging open.
I want to say "Only in Ireland", but maybe it's more like "Never in America" or just something about this one person I lucked into meeting. Whatever the case, is it any wonder I love living here?!
Note: I did give my friend the money to repay the wonderful Angela for me. Anybody that generous deserves to be met with trustworthiness.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
I would have voted for him as President if his wife had let him run, despite his being a Republican and making the mistake of serving under George W. as Secretary of State. But Colin Powell has now raised himself even higher in my eyes by ENDORSING BARACK OBAMA for President on today's Meet The Press!
Take that, George Bush!! I'm dancing in my seat :-)
Take that, George Bush!! I'm dancing in my seat :-)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
It's official, my sappiness is incurable
I'm currently helplessly engrossed in watching that pinnacle of horrible TV countdown shows, 100 Greatest Tearjerkers (in British TV and international movie history). And yet, despite knowing that it's designed from the ground up to yank mercilessly at the heart strings by showing the most climactic clips possible from some of the best and worst films and TV shows of the last century, and even with Jimmy Carr's insufferable smirk and snarky comments interjected, I'm still finding it impossible not to react.
Remains of the Day
Mr. Holland's Opus ("the ultimate in manipulative and phony tearjerkers")
Love Story
Titanic
Truly, Madly Deeply
I, Spartacus
Ordinary People
The Color Purple
Braveheart
Lassie
The Green Mile
Sophie's Choice
The Pianist
Four Weddings & a Funeral
Cinema Paradiso
Life is Beautiful
The Killing Fields
Stand By Me
E.T. (#1. The first movie I ever saw and still one of the most moving)
Like a puppet I've sat here for the last 3 1/2 hours welling up over and over again. Ridiculous! But, I defy anyone else to not do the same.
Remains of the Day
Mr. Holland's Opus ("the ultimate in manipulative and phony tearjerkers")
Love Story
Titanic
Truly, Madly Deeply
I, Spartacus
Ordinary People
The Color Purple
Braveheart
Lassie
The Green Mile
Sophie's Choice
The Pianist
Four Weddings & a Funeral
Cinema Paradiso
Life is Beautiful
The Killing Fields
Stand By Me
E.T. (#1. The first movie I ever saw and still one of the most moving)
Like a puppet I've sat here for the last 3 1/2 hours welling up over and over again. Ridiculous! But, I defy anyone else to not do the same.
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