When Reality (TV) Isn't Really Real

Bringing truth to the old saying that "what goes around, comes around", I've recently revisited some of my core experiences and feelings from when I first made the move from the U.S. (Raleigh, NC) here to Cork, Ireland.  And, similar to the reasons for that first move, I did it for filthy lucre and the adventure of it all!

Some of you readers who'll be most interested in this ramble down memory lane will have searched out this blog in the 24 hours after having seen me last night on the American cable TV channel, HGTV's program, House Hunters International.  Those of you who didn't catch it are going, "Whaaat?  Why didn't you tell us you were going to be on TV?!"  Because I was terrified, dammit!

Anyway, so here's the skinny.  Involving both truth and lies.  I've had a couple of shocked and questioning emails from new readers about how come my blog says I moved six years ago but my HHI episode last night, Put A Cork In It! (Season 56, Episode 3) said I just moved?

The truth is, reality TV is not 100% real!  Are you surprised?  Me too!  Going through the experience of filming this episode in December 2012 (backstory with my sister and her family in Miami) and January 2013 (Cork scenes) showed me just how carefully crafted, tweaked, and re-rehearsed these shows are.  By the time you've gone through your interviews over and over, saying the same thing in just slightly different ways, but all to the direction of the Director, and have filmed every scene with 4 or 5 different takes so the cameraman (person, but they were both actually men) can get reaction shots, alternate angles, and cutaways, every word of truth coming out of your mouth and every instinctive action or reaction feels... well, fake.

And then they take the 7 hours of filming the family backstory scene (just as the first example) and cut it down so much that the editing room floor is littered I tell you, littered!  All the work!  All that angst.  All that slooowwwlllyyyyyy draining energy, all for 3 or 4 minutes of quick clips mixed up together, that somehow do give a glancing overview of the underlying reality of it all.

Did I love it?  Yes and no.  It was tiring, and made me feel just slight dirty for taking part in it at all.  But, it was also LOADS of fun and really, really eye opening.  The producer in London that I worked with and the crew in both locations were gold star professionals and, by the end of the day, we all were having a great time together.  I tried not to make it too much work for them, and they... well, they made me work for it, but they did their jobs well.  The proof in the pudding is that, despite my massive panic building up to the airing on HGTV last night, I didn't actually come off that bad.  There were a lot of weird hand movements in the initial interviews - LOL, but the camera's extra 10 lbs were mostly hidden by my coat (excellent outfit choices, if I do say so myself) and I didn't come across as either too fake or a crazy person.  You laugh, but this was my real worry.  Hey, I said stop laughing!

In answer to the main email and blog comment question I've had:  It was actually relatively easy for me to get on the show.  As an (Jamaican) American expat who blogged about the experience for a good while, I actually rejected several invitations over the years to take part.  And I'm not the only one who's ever got approached.  I always thought that 1) you had to actually be in the the process of moving and 2) you had to be actually buying a "house".  As has now been proved, neither of those are true.  You just have to have a sort of interesting story and be relatively articulate.  The bar isn't ridiculously high.  In large part, I'd say, because they produce a huge number of episodes (at least one new one per weekday) and so are always in need of content. 

To answer another question specific to non-US residents, the episode is only airing in the U.S. for now.  Hulu has the show, but they're still months behind.  The Travel Channel in the U.K. is currently airing episodes from August of 2012, so my episode might actually be showing this time next year.  You'll be happy to hear though that I plan to upload the DVD copy to YouTube once I get it in my hot little hands a few weeks from now, so you can be on the lookout for that.

 Ok, that's it, that's pretty much the relevant parts of the story.  Except to say a heartfelt (truly and deeply) thanks to all the strangers who have stalked researched me and sent really very sweet emails saying how much they loved the episode and my story.  I'm more touched than I expected to be.  Thank you.

Edited Note 8/10/13:  I realize I never actually answered the burning question... yes, I was already living in Cork, and in my apartment, when we filmed the episode.  They did it as a (silent) retrospective of my experience.  A mover emptied out my apartment so they could film it as one of the 3 choices.  Weird, but that's how they roll.  All that stuff about visiting my family in Miami and shopping for Jamaican food really happened right before I left the U.S. 6 years ago.  They just recreated it ;)  About the Cork scenes, I'd already visited Blarney Castle several times and kissed it once during a flying visit 20+ years ago.  I was made to kiss it 4 more times during filming takes!  The cooking lesson scene with my friend, Margaret, who owns www.umnumnum.ie (a catering and cooking school), was a first for me, but so much fun!  I never knew soda bread was that easy to make.  It was yummy, too. 

Differing Mindsets

Ever received that email forward giving a list of cultural references for incoming college students?  The one that immediately makes you feel old and decrepit because it shows just how different these young 'uns are?  How different their lives have been.  They have drastically different assumptions, worries, obsessions, shock levels and jokes.

Well, apparently the original list has a pedigree; it's based in academia.  Who knew?  The Beloit College Mindset List has been put out by two officials there for the past twelve years, designed to alert faculty there to their students' cultural touchstones and help them avoid dated references.  We've all been there.  You make a joke, reference somebody famous, give a funny tagline and... the silence has crickets, it's so loud!

Anyway, the new list has just been put out for the incoming class of 2014.  !!!  It's certainly interesting, but actually the points it makes are so far beyond my own cultural touchstones that it loses some of it's impact.  So I checked back on the list, to the very first list for the class of 2002.  Now THAT made an impact! 

Read on and let me know if it's as disorienting for you as it was for me. 

1. The people starting college this fall [1998] across the nation were born in 1980.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he had ever been shot.
3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
5. There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one other president.
6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.
7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie.
8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up.
9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.
11. Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like.
12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
14. They have never owned a record player.
15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong."
16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
17. There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?
18. They may never have heard of an 8-track, and chances are they've never heard or seen one.
19. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old.
20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
21. They have always had an answering machine.
22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black & white TV.
23. They have always had cable.
24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta is.
25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control.
26. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
27. Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them.
28. "The Tonight Show" has always been with Jay Leno.
29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.
32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War.
34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
35. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
36. They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from.
37. They never heard the terms "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "De plane, de plane!"
38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
40. Michael Jackson has always been white.
41. Kansas, Boston, Chicago, America, and Alabama are all places, not music groups.
42. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
43. There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows.

Turophilia

I can't believe this country has yet to discover the joy that is fake orange cheese.  For a nation built on the back of agriculture and with such a strong dairy background, you'd think they'd have made the wonder-filled leap to virtual cheesiness by now.

Boxes of Cheez-Its and tubs of Utz cheese balls?  Nope, not a bit.  True Vermont sharp cheddar cheese?  Nowhere to be found and, to be frank, "mature" cheddar is just not the same.  And my most immediate frustration at the grocery store today....Why, oh why can I not find any cheddar-flavored rice cakes??  Caramel, triple berry yoghurt flavor, organic hazelnut and chocolate, it's all there.  But no cheesey goodness.

Really Irish people, there's no reason to fear the fake cheese.  Embrace the chemically formulated goodness!

Rock That Anthem

Ok, yes, OF COURSE I'm stoked about USA tying England in the World Cup soccer/football game tonight! [cue cheesy grin and fist pumping]  But, I'm actually struck by something else very telling in how the teams, and the fans in the stadium, responded tonight.

God Save The Queen vs. The Star Spangled Banner.  The Americans ROCKED it!  Did you see?  The American players with their hands over their heart, most singing along, the American fans shouting out the words with glee.

I'm not sure how much of the difference was culturally based emotional expression (stiff upper lip vs. brash enthusiasm), knowledge-based (I assume most Brits actually know the words to their anthem, right?), emotional investment in the anthem per se as representative of patriotic pride, and/or the anxious energy of the underdog team going against the big gun.  A little bit of all?  But, the difference was palpable.

Of course, I was singing "The rocket's red glare..." as loud as anybody else in the stadium as well.

Happy Memorial Day!

This is the day we remember our fallen soldiers, those who have given their time, energy and, ultimately, their lives to protect and serve their nation and the democratic principles on which it is based.

No matter your political leanings or feelings about the various administrations that come and go, this is something we can all agree on. These are people who deserve our respect.

I'm proud to say I have a (retired) member of the military in my family and, despite our loving political "discussions" :-), I have nothing for respect for him and those like him who volunteered to serve. Politics dictate where they're sent and why, but honor, courage and loyalty keep them there doing their job.

We salute you.

Friday Pearls

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.
- C.S. Lewis (via Criminal Minds, Series 5: Risky Business)

Balance, Rhetoric and Talking about Race in America

Always a sensitive issue, it can be hard sometimes to find a relatively fair analysis of what happened at Harvard and the fall-out in the media.  Luckily, Hal Crowther who writes for the Independent Weekly newspaper in Chapel Hill, NC, is pretty good at just that kind of thing. 

Lessons from the Henry Louis Gates case: Black, white and shades of gray

Why The NHS Isn't An Evil Socialist Hellhole

Luckily, I'm protected by distance here in Ireland from the at times vicious nature of the debate in the U.S. over proposed health reform. Public option? Non-profit co-op? Small business decimated by unrealistic coverage rules? Public option equals socialism? All these and more have been argued over, screamed about, and prompted threats ad nauseum.

The British NHS, as an example of a health care system that covers everyone, has been particularly vilified as a horrible example of what Obama is trying to turn the U.S. into. Now, I myself have not been altogether happy with the vagaries of a public health system, as I've experienced it here in Ireland, but that's not to say I don't think the U.S. system needs a drastic overhaul and that a public option is probably just the injection that sick system needs. That or something that makes a real effort to cover the 46 million Americans who have no health coverage now at all.

Today's New York Times article describing an American expat's experience with both health systems was particularly enlightening for me about this issue - "Health Care in Britain: Expat Goes for a Checkup".

Speaking of Sci-Fi

Check out this very funny post from NPR's pop culture blog Monkey See - Five Ways Movie Governments Could Respond More Effectively To Alien Invasions.

I think they are all good guidelines that I hope our governments will pay close attention to. Last thing we need is for them to act as stupidly when the real thing comes a-knockin' as they always seem to do in the movies!

Future Affect

Just watched the final episode of The Dollhouse. Well done, but sad. Sad and pessimistic.

I'm a longstanding lover of scifi, so it's no real surprise coming face to face with the world ending themes that seem to dominate so much of the genre. But, I still get bummed by it. Especially As brought to life on TV.

Image via Wikipedia

Remember Star Trek? Now Gene Roddenbury knew how to meld a good story with an optimistic worldview. Where's the G.R. for this new generation?

Still Alive And Well

I came across two news stories today that made it clear how flawed our society still is, how the old prejudices continue to taint our reactions, however subtly.

Henry Louis Gates, Jr., a prominent scholar and Harvard chaired professor was arrested last Thursday by a police officer at his own home a few blocks off the Harvard campus. The scary thing isn't that a woman called 911 to report 2 black males trying to break into a house. They were. Of course, it was his own house and he and his driver (he was coming home from a trip to China to film a PBS documentary) were having to force the jammed front door open, but you can understand why it may have looked suspicious.

The sad part was that when it came to the verbal confrontation between he and the police officer, even after Professor Gates showed photo identity proving who he was, he was still judged to be out of line. I wonder how the officer would have reacted to an angry, non-black man yelling at him for being assumed to be breaking into his own house. He might have gotten angry himself, but would he have arrested that almost 60 year old man, a Harvard professor, on his own front porch?

The second article's headline by the New York Times says it all - "New Jersey G.O.P. Candidate Picks Woman as His No. 2". Really? Still? We may have a black man as President, but the idea of a woman in a position of power is still surprising enough to warrant this kind of headline? I'm giving the NYT the benefit of the doubt because... well, because it's the New York Times! As my BIL would probably say, the bastion of liberal propaganda. That's why I love it! All humor aside though, it still got my goat... it just felt condescending.

Celebration

Image by Camera Slayer via Flickr

Happy, Happy Fourth of July everyone! 

Here's to kicking some British butt and defeating the invading aliens at the very last minute.  Oh... wait, that last part was fictional, wasn't it?  Oh well, I say anything that involves Will Smith deserves celebrating.

Enjoy your grilled burgers (well done with cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and ketchup), bucket of beer, and lazing around in the sun.  Now, if only I had some sparklers!

Great quote of the day

... from this Op-Ed article in the New York Times, titled "You Be Obama", about how he's handling the political wrangle over health care reform.

You are daunted by the challenges in front of you until you remember that by some great act of fortune, you happen to be Barack Obama. This calms you down.

Heehee, love it! :-)


*Thanks to cousin Sekou for pointing this one out.

A Perfect Fit

So, you may not know that I reject all disdain by the uninformed and proudly proclaim my allegiance to Buffy The Vampire Slayer as one of the all-time best TV series ever. Ever.

Except for the name, which people who've never seen it assume means cutesy characters and even sillier writing - they could SO not be farther from the truth! - absolutely nothing about this show was cutesy or silly. Even the name was a perfect, sarcastic play on itself. And I'm not even including the musical episode, which was perfection itself.

All this to say that, while I miss many of the characters (and the actors inhabiting them) from Buffy, it's always a thrill to run into one of the actors somewhere else in a different role.

Tonight I gave a little cheer and bounced around like a schoolgirl in my seat when I saw that the new (is he bad, is he good?) guest star on one of my favorite shows, Torchwood, is none other that Spike! How absolutely, freakin' perfect is that?! I hope they have him bite someone :-)

"That One" Makes History and There's No Going Back

My stomach is in knots, my heart is like a stone in my chest, and I don't know if I can handle one more truly fascinated Irish compatriot asking me for my opinion about what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm torn between trolling the internet for every bit of election news I can get vs. not wanting to think about tomorrow night at all for fear that I might feel just a bit too much optimism and so totally jinx the whole thing!

Similarly, I'm alternately proud and saddened about what this election means for me personally and as a (Jamaican) American. The fact is it took me years to make the decision to relinquish my Jamaican citizenship for the U.S. one. Not because I ever planned to move back permanently, but because (as you might have guessed by now) being Jamaican is part of the core of my identity and the passport symbolized that. On the other hand, having spent all of the last 30 years but one in the States, I've also been quite americanized and am completely emotionally invested in what's going on at home.

This will be the very first presidential election I'll have had the opportunity to vote in since becoming a naturalized citizen 3 years ago, and what a way to lose my electoral virginity! I'm bursting with pride that America has come to the point of actually almost electing a partially black man to be President of the United States [wow, I get shivers just writing that!] and that I had the chance to be a part of that history. But, I'm also terrified that it all sounds too good to be true. That my hopes will be dashed (or stolen) again. Mostly, that it means so much and my history isn't great for these kind of things working out.

Of course the latter statement makes it sound like I think I actually have the power to personally jinx this. Sadly, I don't think I'm the only one with the same unwarranted superstition - I'm sure a lot of other Democrats feel the same way - so I'm imagining huge swathes of the population in the country right now all repeating the mantra "Don't wish too hard. Don't get too excited. Don't expect too much!"

In the end though, no matter what happens tomorrow, we will all survive. Republicans, Democrats, and Independents alike. The world won't really come to an end, though I know several friends who've threatened (jokingly and not so jokingly) to use their passport and join me in expat-life if we have to face another 8 years of the same old, same old. We'll go back to living as neighbors again, no matter whether we're living in Red or Blue (or yellow-striped) country. We'll work together, socialize with each other, go to the same church, love each other, and fall asleep in the same bed together just like before all this started. The yard signs will come down and hopefully all the nasty Facebook flair will disappear, as will most of the rumors about who's secretly a terroristic, socialist-loving muslim. The Us vs. Them mentality will diminish a bit and we'll go back to being individuals again who can admit that our loved ones on The Other Side are actually relatively intelligent, thoughtful people who don't really want to destroy everything we believe in.

America and its politics will start to feel somewhat normal again. But, no one will ever be able to take away the fact that American politics has passed a major milestone, one I never seriously considered I would see in my lifetime. A woman yes. A "black" man? We've come a long way, baby, all of us. And there's nothing anyone can do to make us go back!

Note: Sadly, a piece of Obama's own personal history was lost today when his grandmother died of cancer. My condolences on his loss. But I loved the CNN commentator's quote from Psalm 30:5 - "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." That's something we can all pray for.

I Voted!

Have you?

If you're living abroad, send in your absentee ballot today so it gets there on time! If you're living at home, vote early! (In some states you can even register on the same day as early voting).

Avoid the madness on Election Day and the temptation not to stand in line thinking your candidate doesn't need you. No excuses if you want the right to complain, or gloat, afterwards.

It's official, my sappiness is incurable

I'm currently helplessly engrossed in watching that pinnacle of horrible TV countdown shows, 100 Greatest Tearjerkers (in British TV and international movie history). And yet, despite knowing that it's designed from the ground up to yank mercilessly at the heart strings by showing the most climactic clips possible from some of the best and worst films and TV shows of the last century, and even with Jimmy Carr's insufferable smirk and snarky comments interjected, I'm still finding it impossible not to react.

Remains of the Day
Mr. Holland's Opus ("the ultimate in manipulative and phony tearjerkers")
Love Story
Titanic
Truly, Madly Deeply
I, Spartacus
Ordinary People
The Color Purple
Braveheart
Lassie
The Green Mile
Sophie's Choice
The Pianist
Four Weddings & a Funeral
Cinema Paradiso
Life is Beautiful
The Killing Fields
Stand By Me
E.T. (#1. The first movie I ever saw and still one of the most moving)

Like a puppet I've sat here for the last 3 1/2 hours welling up over and over again. Ridiculous! But, I defy anyone else to not do the same.

Sign #523 that I am a sap

Tears in the eyes after catching a 15 minute RTE1 TV segment on JFK's visit to Ireland in June 1963, six months before he was assassinated.

The unaffected warmth, enthusiasm, excitement and genuine welcome evident on everyone's face in those old films. It reminds me why I love the people here and makes me sad for the loss his death was to the world. I have loads of images in my head of the grief his death caused in the States, but I never thought before about how people elsewhere must have reacted.

Change You Want To Believe In

Two reasons I'm proud and hopeful for America right now:

OBAMA!!! I'm actually a little short of breath. This means so much. You all know I'm not one for pulling the race card very often, but... the first Black American to be fielded as a major party candidate (well, he's actually biracial and a hyphenated American, but that's another story that deserves a long, sad commentary on race in America that I don't have time or the inclination to get on my soapbox about now). The sad part is that it's only happening now, most of the way through the first decade of the freakin' 21st Century.

Who knows if he'll win. The possibility that the American people would actually, legitimately, vote for 4+ more years of Bushit via McCain (a man who, pre-Iraq War, used to hold quite a bit of my respect for his independent thinking) literally boggles my mind. The universe should not be able to hold that much illogic and still hold together. But, sad to say, we've all been shockingly disappointed before.

Mental Health Parity in insurance coverage. Shamefully overdue. Really, we should all be ashamed of ourselves that it's taken so long for basic human rights (not to mention consideration) and scientific logic to overcome the influence of big money and society's stigma about this issue. Another topic I could go on about for way to long to hold anybody's interest. But, if this is the only thing to come out of the Democrats' control of the House and Senate, they'll have justified themselves.

Sadly, it's like being proud of the delinquent child who finally starts making good decisions for herself. You're so deep down proud you want to dance for joy, but also sad and a little resentful it's taken so long, and desperately hopeful that they don't muck it up too quickly.

Battlestar Galactica

No, it's not the campy 80's version. There's nothing shiny, pretty or one-dimensional about it. What it is is a gritty, character-driven space opera that, like all the best written stories no matter the setting, is incredibly subversive, forcing you to think and re-think, to question your basic beliefs and assumptions. Who do you cheer for when both the Cylons and the Humans are in the wrong? When does the communal good rightly override individual rights? Can you ever justify stealing a democratically valid election?

Like life, the cool thing about this show is trying to shed light on all the gray that dominates, and I'm not just talking about the color scheme for the show. The moral dilemmas on this show just keep unfolding. You're never bored.

Sometimes, though, easy answers can be appealing. For me, this show highlights a huge dilemma. What kind of future do I really believe in for the human race? The optimistic, societal self-actualization semi-utopia of the Star Trek vision or the dark, humans will never change uber-reality of Battlestar Galactica. As a dyed in the wool Trekkie, I also find my instincts at war with themselves for my vote of best television science-fiction ever. B.G has already won my vote for best TV show out there right now, even if I resent the fact that it's still, unfairly, seen as a cult favorite rather than a contender for the who shebang. (Of course, people still laugh when I say that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was also one of the best shows ever on TV).

And the best thing is... it's coming to Ireland now! How fracking cool is that?! I've been subsisting on last season's versions of most U.S. shows, if not years old syndications of the "classics" that get sold out this way. But, B.G. is smart enough (!!) to allow U.K. satellite distribution of current episodes only 2 weeks after they were first shown in the States. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am. This is the 4th and last season and everything we ever believed is getting blown sky high! There's no way I could have handled waiting 6 months or more to find out what happened. This way I'm only a couple of weeks behind and don't have to yell at friends for "inadvertently" letting spoilers loose. Or entertain murderously jealous impulses 'cause they lucked out and I didn't. I'll be a much nicer friend this way :-)